Spouse Communication and Character Building

How to Create Your Own Monster

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:17:57 -0800

"You've created your own monster, you know", my mother saidominously. My Rex cat, Houdini, had just burrowed his way insidemy sweater for the third time that morning, letting out a squealof indignation when I tried to resist.Houdini has separation anxiety. But in his tiny little mind,separation means I've been out of his site for at least twominutes. Or I've closed the bathroom door and left him on theother side. Or he hasn't had his ears scratched or his bellyrubbed in eons about ten minutes. Houdini follows meeverywhere, like the most faithful of hounds, and craves myundivided attention almost as much as his next meal.If all of this seems annoying, it's not nearly as bad as whenthe little fellow plunks himself down in front of me andliterally tears chunks of his own hair out because I'm notpaying attention to him. With Houdini, it's always been easierjust to give in.My husband takes all of this in stride. My mother, whofortunately for Houdini only visits now and ...

Taking "The Road Less Traveled"

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:03:07 -0800

Think back on all of the things you set out to do at thebeginning of the year. Think back further to those things youpromised to do by the time you reached thirty or forty or fifty.Any regrets? How many things on that list have you set out infull determination to do, but in the end, that devil on yourshoulder warned you against starting, telling you that you'retoo old, too young, too out of shape, too afraid? Too often welisten to that nagging voice telling us that we 'can't' or we'shouldn't.' Too often, that voice leads to opportunities lost.Now think back on all the times you went with your gut feeling,not that voice in your ear. I would bet that nine times out often, despite the fear and the doubt, you came out feeling likeyou were on top. Pretty remarkable feeling, wouldn't you say?It's so easy to succumb to the 'voice of reason,' we hearscreaming inside. Don't get me wrong, sometimes that is thevoice to heed. But I'm talking about dreams here, not thosedecisions th...

Do You Know What's The #1 Success Secret Is?

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:19:24 -0800

Copyright Patric ChanHow many people do you hear complaining about their job, wherethey live, how little money they have, or how they can nevertake a vacation? How many times have you heard those same people, when they hearabout someone else who made a lot of money from an idea, say, 'I could have done that!' But yet, they didn't. And they continue to complain about where they are in life.A friend of mine owns a dog grooming business, and she buyssupplies from another pet business in town. One day, as she talked to the owner, she found out that theowner's husband made liver treats for dogs'he bought liver atwholesale, cut it into thin strips, dried it, packaged it, andretailed it to pet businesses. Eventually he got a contract witha distribution company and was doing very well with what startedout as a simple side business.My friend was upset when she was talking to me. She explainedthat she had had that idea several months earlier, but didn'tfollow through beca...

An Inspirational Poster Can Really Help!

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:02:30 -0800

An inspirational poster can really inspire us!Its benefits to us are based on scientific principles of how ourminds work. Almost every inspirational poster has both imagesand words. Once in a while, one may just have words, but whenthat happens, the words are usually done in a very artistic way. Different parts of our minds respond to words and to images:generally, the left side of the brain is more logical andword-oriented, while the right side of the brain is more globaland image-oriented. So an inspirational poster can easily speakto us in two different ways.Another principle that allows inspirational posters to help usis that of repetition. The more we are exposed to something, themore it can affect us. Advertising works on this principle, buthere we're talking about how we can use posters to helpourselves. When you get a new poster, at first you may stop andlook at it a lot, but over time you become more accustomed to itand probably pay less attention to it. But ev...

You want RESULTS? I'll give you RESULTS!

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:26:44 -0800

I am not a therapist. I do not do therapy. I am a "PerformanceConsultant". I teach people how to produce the results they wantin their lives using the most effective methods. Change will befast, fun, easy and lots more fun! You like fun, right? I'm not much interested in talking about or analyzing your past.I want to know what you want for now and for the future. I canshow you how to neutralize the bad feelings from the pastrapidly and easily. What do you want? You say you are overweight. Well, that issimply a result that you are producing. Change what you thinkabout re: food, exercise, life, relationships, possibilities,etc and you will produce a different result. What do you want?Fit? Buff? Feminine? Sexy? Powerful? Confident? Excited?Focused? Notice that all the stuff therapy types talk about is what youDON"T want! That's the wrong pile! When you look at how fat,discouraged, depressed, unhappy, etc you are that's the stuffthat makes you feel crappy. You need to lo...

Life Engagement

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:05:29 -0800

What is your level of engagement? I'm talking about your levelof involvement in your own life. If you check in with yourspiritual, mental, emotional and physical selves, what do theytell you about how engaged you are in LIFE? If you had to put ascore on yourself between and , how would you fare?Are you frightened of resolutions? Try engaging yourself. If youthink you'd like to focus on a resolution for the New Year, thefollowing is a great place to start: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Visit http:lge.perfprog.com and take the test, max. min..When I took it, the results said I was engaged in life. Theconclusion was that if I strengthened my physical side, myoverall life would improve. I often view these kinds of testswith a grain of salt, but this time it seems as though theresults were really on to something. I was looking through my"life" box of goodies filled with mementos and treasures from mylife and c...

The Secret to a Happy Life

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 00:04:24 -0800

There seems to be an epidemic these days of depression. EveryoneI talk to, it is experiencing some degree of depression. As Iwonder about the cause of this twenty-first century phenomenon,I think of my great grandmother who raised my dad in the backwoods of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan during the GreatDepression.She had a hard life raising twelve children and twograndchildren, seeing two die as toddlers as well as two asadults with cancer. She supported her sick husband who wastwenty-two years older than she was. She struggled through thegreat depression, yet according to those who knew her best shewas never depressed a day in her life! Why? Maybe because shewas too busy just surviving to stop and think about feeling sad. She came to this country from Holland as a child. She married atthe age of . Her parents went back to Holland without tellingtheir children. She fed her family by raising animals and alarge garden, in addition to taking in boarders and caring fo...

What Are YOU Making It Mean?

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 02:29:43 -0800

What Are YOU Making It Mean? Helaine Iris 'You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as WEare' -Herb CohenIt all started with a perfectly innocent question from myhusband. 'Honey, can we compare our calendars, I have somethings I want to schedule and I'd like your input?' Happily Iagreed and pulled my chair up to engage in the conversation. After looking at the fullness of my husbands schedule andrealizing he still had MORE he wanted to fit in, I responded,'Hey, what about some quality weekend time for us?' With anexasperated look he retorted, 'what do you mean?' I could feelour defense postures setting in as predictable as night and day.We launched into an ever-escalating exchange. The phone rang interrupting our conversation. I was called awayto deal with a pressing matter. Afterwards I began to thinkabout the interaction with my husband and wondered why I was sotweaked. Then it hit me. All he did was simply ask me to look at the calendar with him...

FAQs on Temperament and Personality

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 00:11:19 -0800

A.Can you change your personality? You cannot change your basictemperament styles but you can influence your behaviors andthereby your personality. The biggest mistake I've seen issomeone who has "put on" behaviors that were not theirs'naturally until it has become habitual. It is almost alwaysobvious and often painful. An example is a phlegmatic who feltis necessary to put on an outgoing sanguine style for so manyyears that it has become a habit; however it is clear that thisis not their natural way of being. B.Can you change someone else's personality? If you can't changeyou own, it is clear that you can't change someone else's butthat won't stop most of us from trying. This is an specialproblem in marriage and child raising if the spouse or parentthinks the other person can be "improved" on. In Dicken's DavidCopperfield, Mr. Murdstone and his sister fatally try to impresstheir choleric nature on sanguine Mrs. Copperfield. Husbands andwives who think they will change ...

What is Fear Costing You?

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:32:17 -0800

Last week I had the opportunity to serve as an advisor for agroup of high school students as they went through a week longEntrepreneurship program. The program was very educational forme as well as the students and the relationships I formed withthe students and other advisors are very dear to me. What'sfunny is that I almost didn't go because the program was inYoungstown Ohio, and I live in Cincinnati. In order to getthere, I had to drive hours. Okay, so some of you are thinking, what's the big deal aboutdriving hours? For me driving hours by myself was a very BIGDEAL. I rarely do road trips alone, and when I do they aregenerally short trips, less than hours. Add to that the factthat I had never been to Youngstown before so it would be a longunfamiliar drive. I was scared. What if I got lost? What if Ifell asleep? What if I went crazy talking to myself for miles? As you can tell by the fact that I'm writing this, I made it toYoungstown and back safely. T...

The Dignity of Labor

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 00:21:07 -0800

I love artists, because I'm a wordsmith and they say things Ican never say. Here are two of my favorite paintings about work,both by Caillebotte:http:www.webstrategies.cccaillebotte.jpg ;http:www.webstrategies.cccaillebotte.jpg .My mother was full of aphorisms. I grew up with 'All work hasdignity,' and 'It doesn't matter what you do. If you're a floorscraper, be the best one you can be.'Coming from an intellectual family, I was always fascinated tosee people work with their hands. It took such patience. Theydid the same thing over and over. I wondered what held theirinterest.When I watched, I often saw and felt love. I watched thecarpenter pause for a moment, stroking the wood as if it were aliving thing. Turning it over in his hands, caressing it.I heard the repairman coaxing the plumbing -- 'Come on baby,come on baby,' he would say to the corroded screw, with pliersin his hands.I never heard my father, a corporate attorney, talking to hisbrief that way, o...

The 10 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Haven't Reached a Dream

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:01:25 -0800

Following are a series of questions I needed to ask myself andfind answers to over the course of my life before finallydeciding to go for it. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if any ofthese looked familiar to you. You'll notice that many of thequestions and my proposed solutions are interrelated.. What am I really afraid of? Addressing this issue right here is worthy of an article all byitself! You may have heard somewhere that FEAR really stands forFalse Evidence Appearing Real. However, some fears are neededand rational. You wouldn't stick your hand in a burning fireplace or run into oncoming traffic, for example! But some examples of common fears that don't really serve youare: the fears of success I'll lose my friends, of failure, ofthe unknown, of never having the courage to go for it, of losingyour social life, and so on.Instead of letting these fears paralyze you, write them down,and then consider confronting them and making new opportunitiesfor yourself. Visu...

The Importance of Balance

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:02:03 -0800

As a stay-at-home mom, I have had the distinct privilege ofbeing involved in several 'mom-lifestyle' discussions. Mostfocus on the roll of mothers in society today. Generally thereare two camps. One says that a mother should stay at home, bethere for her family exclusively, and be willing to sacrificeher very life and happiness for the happiness of the family. Thesecond group says no, a mother should be able to pursue her owncareer, and although the family may suffer some, her dreams andgoals should be paramount.In discussing this paradox with several people including my ownmother, I have come to this conclusion'neither one works longterm. For a moment, I'd like to back track and see how we got here.Years ago' to now, a woman's sole job was to stay at home,cook, clean, and basically take care of her family. If a womanmarried, she was expected to be the caretaker of the childrenand if she didn't marry, then something must be wrong withher. This was a woman's ro...

Nice Girls Don't Go Naked in their Dreams (or Do They!)

Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:41:46 -0800

My wife, Brenda and I were at some friends house one night to play some dominoes. At one point during the evening, we started talking about dreams and particularly, being naked in dreams. I mentioned a recent dream where I had been naked and very openly so. Brenda mentioned that she had rarely if ever had a dream being naked.Growing up, she was raised in a fairly strict family and was not able to express herself like she would have preferred. She once got in trouble at a young age for saying 'Golly', as her mother thought that was out of line and just one step away from profanity. Later in her first marriage, she was afraid to speak her mind without feeling the wrath of her husband. So she grew up not being able to express herself openly. So, from the soul's perspective, it made sense that she hadn't had any dreams of being naked.It seems that I have had my share of dreams being naked. No, this doesn't mean that I secretly wish to join a nudist colony. I grew up in a fairly open-mind...

What Planet is Your Family From? Uranus or Neptune?

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 05:22:45 -0800

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappyin its own way." This is one of the most famous opening lines ever written. Theauthor is a man consumed by horror and fascination with familiesand family life, a man who had children and an intenserelationship with his much younger wife, and whose own parentsand older brother died when he was quite young.The book is "Anna Karenina". The author is Leo Tolstoy.Many of Tolstoy's novels concern families and family lifeissues. In "The Kreutzer Sonata", a husband murders his wife ina fit of jealous passion. Tolstoy's family life was far from perfect and yet theprofundity of family life consumed him for a lifetime. He askedto be buried near "the green stick", a legendary place his olderbrother told him about when they were kids.What about you? Does your Family Tree bear the fruits of pain orperfection? What about the family you're creating or plan tocreate? And your spouse's family?Do your people fit the Normal...

5 Ways to Fit Fitness In

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:57:57 -0700

Five points to consider when you want to fit fitness into ahectic lifeWhen I tell people what I do for a living, many will tell methey wish they had the time to exercise, but just can't seem tofit it in. This is one of the biggest excuses people give fornot making exercise a part of their life. However, we all havetime for the things we feel are important enough. Many peopleactually have more time than they think. Research now supportsbreaking increased activity into -minute blocks, which anyonecan do without even thinking about it.Do any of these scenarios sound like you? 'I am too tired to doanything after work so I drop down in front of the TV 'With thekids and husband, there is just no time for me 'I work too manyhours and have too many responsibilities to get away from theoffice 'First thing in the morning I always spend an hourdrinking my coffee and reading the paper 'I really need to relaxin the middle of the day, so I read fiction books at lunchtime'I'd love ...